Sentient Mentality

I think because I think I can


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Remember that time…

When it was all so simple;  When it was all so innocent; When having fun was the only concern.

Do you remember

When you drew your first picture; Crayons and glue; And scissors and play-doh, red, yellow, blue?

Imagine that time

When you first rode that bike; When you waited for a moment; When dad wasn’t looking; Just in case you fell.

Do you recall

When you first felt responsible; When you first felt guilt; When you told your first lie?

Does it bring up memories

When you had your first crush; When a smile first made you feel something more than happy; When your gut shook at the sight of her?

Think back

When it all crashed down; When you couldn’t stop from falling deeper; When it made no sense at all.

Reenvision

When you tried to grow in spite of it all; When not much really mattered anymore; When you shut it all out.

Reflect on

When the fog cleared;  When you realized all you’d been through; When you learned to let go.

Could you conceive

When you’d do it all over again; When you thought finding someone meant the end of the search; When you promised to try harder?

Contemplate over

When fun ruled your world; When you stopped trying so hard at everything; When you started to dream again.

Did you foresee

When chance meeting would bring an end to it; When the rollercoaster could finally stop; What the euphoric sensation would actually feel like?

Had you anticipated

When you’d just be yourself; When you’d appreciate her for who she is; When the only thing you’d ever want to do again is create memories together?

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Pardon my abesntia

Pardon me for ignoring you

Its just a little something I sometimes do

I’m not proud of it

Are you perfect?

Pardon my absence

From common sense

My schedule’s all distorted

Where am I?

Pardon me for caring

What you put yourself through

Where you’re headed, where you’re not

What’s the story anyway?

Pardon my love

Its overwhelming of course

I can be intolerable

Pillow fight!

Pardon my absentia

From a clear frame of mind

You do that to me

Pretty much all the time.


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12:12, 12/12/12

What does the number mean to you?

The 12th day of the 12th month at the age of 12… wish I could, but I’ll never forget.

12 bottles in a case of liqour.

Two 12’s in a case of beer.

12 smokes in half a pack, what a way to start the day.

12 inches in a foot long joint or was it 13; what a way to end it.

Sometimes 12 hours sleep in 12 nights.

12 years after wasn’t enough. Another 12 … almost there.  I think its about right.

What is 12?  Just a number?

Where does your strength come from?

A day?  A number?  A name?  A song?

Something meant to be right but ended up going wrong?

I can feel my skull splitting with an urge, a surging need

To empower you with your own history

To make things all right again.

Just to be me.

 


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Stranger

How strange that a stranger should be no stranger at all.

In fact, stranger you can be closer than any friend I could call.

What’s stranger is how strange my friends would look at me

If they knew I’d estranged them just to feel free.

Do I make those friends strangers to who I think I am

Or are they strangers who I call friends who I don’t allow to see.

Is that the same or just strange coincidence

One can put themselves in the midst of a stranger mess.

There’s nothing strange about what I write, it comes from down deep.

Its still filtered for you, but strangely more for me.

 


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Forced words

Forced words never amounted to much

They taste of cud

Regurgitated from some earlier experience

The required no sense of emotion, connection or learning

Merely memory to expose them once again to daylight

You can hear their insincerity like background noise

Impeding the musical experience that is life.

What’s wrong with truth and honesty

Why be so scared of truth and love

You don’t really know either

You’re ignorant and that’s ok

So long as you yearn to learn more

Conquer the fears and allow them to thrust you forward

Into experiences; good, bad, and ugly 😛

For every ten steps back you’ll gain space to leap forward

Be authentic and genuine

Let them know you to the core

You can learn about yourself this way

You can do so much more.

Let the words slip on by

Without analysis, without care

Let them explode from the gunpowder of your love.

Who needs to force words

When there’s already so much to share.

It takes no creativity… only honesty, love, and feeling free to be you.

 


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Taking steps

 

Stringing life together

One lace

Two laces

What’s that got to do with bunny ears?

Things I wanted

I’m starting to take

I’m starting to make

I’m looking forward not back

I did this

And I’ll continue

I’ll take it all and make it all happen

One step at a time

No bunny ears, no rabbit’s foot

Its all me.

But without you, there’d be no reason.